Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Bush Believes Bears Bob-bob-bobbing
“Studies show they are no longer at risk of extinguishun. Let’s go huntin’.”
Roosters © News ® Agency ™

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Bush Administration on Tuesday announced that it plans to remove federal protections for bears in the areas around Yellowstone National Park.

In a speech Bush made while touring some foreign country that nobody really cares about, the President praised the bears’ return back to “target status”.

“The bear was almost faced extinguishun. Almost. Coming to grips with the possibles that in a short time, there would be no more of them left, hunters agreed to shoot other animals and wait until the bears regroupsed.”

Bush then added, “I am asking Congress to consider removing trees and big rocks from the endangerous lists because the time has come for Merican’s to dig their own oil and stop relating to furriners for it. So, the only patriotitical thing we can do is destroy our National Parks.”

Dr. Haflte Bung, Dean of The College of National Parks at Virginia Tech, quicky responded, “By suggesting Americans start digging for gold in our National Parks, President Bush reminds us once more of just how quirky his mind is.”

Dr. Carol Bailey, Dean of The College of Quirkiness at Virginia Tech, added, “I think labeling President Bush’s mind as quirky undermines the credibility of truly quirky thinking people. Bush is a chronic liar and isn’t quirky as much as delusional.”

Dr. Simon Hodgepodge, Dean of the College of Delusion at Virginia Tech responded, “President Bush is made of many dysfunctions. Is delusion one of them? Hard to say. He doesn’t seem to have a grip on reality.”

In an unrelated news item, President Bush has declared war on Virginia Tech. But, since they are now playing NCAA Football in the ACC, he wants to hold off any invasions until after the VA Tech vs. UVA game.


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