Friday, November 11, 2005

Pat Robertson Pens Biblical Addendum
“It was like God said, ‘Hey Pat, grab a pen and a pad of paper and high tail it into my office.’”
Roosters © News ® Agency ™ Updated Nov. 11, 2005

DOVER, PA – Pat Robert, evangelical guru and undoubtedly the “third eye” of Jesus, the host of CBN’s 700 Club, announced today that, “God has some additions for the Bible, and chose me to be his channeler.”

The Bible 2008 is set to roll off the publisher’s trucks sometime in the next week, and already some people are itching to own a copy. The Rev. Jiminy Flootzerhofkin of Trout City, TN told Rooster’s News Agency, “This is historical. Historical in that this is the kind of stuff history is. For the last few thousand or so years, everybody thought, ‘Hell, the Bible is a done deal,’ but I guess it ain’t no more. Where would we be without Rat Pobertson.”

During a speech today in Dover, PA, Pat Robertson warned the citizens of that community that by voting out school board members that promoted “Intelligents Dezines”, not to be surprised when an angered God wreaks havoc and chaos to “all who sin here”. He then added that over the last few days, God has been dictating what was initially supposed to be a brief memorandum that has become several pages. Among several of the new items that God personally must see added are:

· AIDS was not created by God to punish gays, it was created to prevent Gays
· The time has come to put an end to allowing young boys the freedom of expression, mainly via tears. This crying shit is throwing off the natural balance and before too long, all men will end up gay
· Women can no longer use pain killers and drugs to by-pass my original doctrine stating clearly that, “because she took that apple from SATAN, her woo-woo must be ripped into a gazillion little pieces when she gives birth.”
· “Intelligent Design” opponents will face my wrath on earth and Satan’s fire tools in Hell
· Making fun of Christian US Presidents is an abomination in my eyes, and folks that do so will be punished justly. Making fun of non-Christian US Presidents is allowable and encouraged.
· Marriage between anything other than a human man and a human woman is just plain sick, folks. I mean, get a daggone clue, will ya? When a man sticks his reproductive tool inside another man’s poop machine, you can’t make no babies!
· Pat Robertson knows all that is Holy

Kleperfleck Grout is a renouned writer of stuff and a contributing free-lanced writer for Roosters News Agency.


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