Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Nobody Knew Katrina was Gonna Be Icky

Roosters New Agency updated Dec. 21, 2005 at 8:20pm E.S.T.

WASHINGTON, DC - In a new report released by The Weather Intelligence Committee for Katrina (W.I.C.K.) leading experts reported that during the five days Hurricane Katrina brewed in The Gulf Of Mexico, the satellites used to track the wind that was blowing provided misleading information.

"This is very disturbing. After spying on leading Democrats and Barbra Streisand, my Sherlocks have concluded that the only possible way the Katrina thing wasn't deemed a threat at first was due to interference by aliens from another galaxy. It makes perfect sense. Didn't that Star Wars DVD come out around the time that storm blew over a few houses?"

Dr. Hughouphlin Muddlebucket, the entity who supervised the investigation said in a prepared speech today, "These findings ought to make one thing clear to all Americans, Bush can no longer be blamed for screwing up, and neither can FEMA or anyone else. I mean, if aliens hadn't tricked us into thinking the storm wasn't gonna be a doozy, well..."

When asked just how aliens were to blame, Dr. Muddlebucket replied, "They were racing through our atmosphere trying to snatch up that Star Wars movie, and they blew our satellite pictures askew."

Bush added, "I have asked Congress to investigate where these aliens is from, 'cause, Mericans will not tolerate aliens and the planets that horbor them. We will declare them terrorists. And, if there is proof they is from a place with hydrocarbon resources, you can bet we'll find something wrong with their leaders and remove them from office."

WICK's report indicates that Katrina was maybe a category 3ish or a weak 4ish hurricane. "We give it a 3.82, which means we've knocked off 1.18 points for wind power. Therefore, we calculate a negative 1.18 of responsibility; or we will lower the number of dead people associated with this storm by 1.18 percent. Let's take an even number, eleven. Divide 11 by 1.18 percent gives us 932.20. So, if 11 people claim they died as a result of that storm, we subtract 932.20, hell, let's round it up; we subtract 1000 from 11 and the total number dead that the US Government will claim responsibility for is - 989. So, actually, because of DVD hungry aliens, nobody died during Katrina.


Post a Comment

<< Home