Thursday, January 05, 2006

Lohan, Hilton and Simpson Team Together

THREE MEDIA DARLINGS COMBINE FORCES
Roosters News Agency Updated Jan. 5, 2006 8:53am E.S.T.

Hollywood, CA - Early this morning, representatives of Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton & Jessica Simpson announced these three popular girls have decided to become one big fat star. "In lieu of gazillion internet searches, overpaid salaries, and general lack of individual brain power, we realized at a party the other night we'd better serve ourselves as one person. So, from now on, please refer to us as The Three Ami-ho's."

When questioned by reporters as to why they would name a single person "The Three Ami-ho's", Paris Hilton responded, "We're still three people, just one."

"OK, like last week, Jessica and I met for lunch, and there were like two sets of picture takers. It took forever. With one set of picture takers we wouldn't have to smile as much," said Lohan.

"And there would be less number of picture takers there," added Simpson.

"Plus," Simpson added, "I'm so tired of people asking me if I am a cartoon. Do I look like I'm a cartoon? When did you last see a cartoon walk around? 'Roger Rabbit', and that was a long time ago. Was I born then? Get my PR person on the phone and find out my birthdate."

When a reporter asked about dating and marriage, Lohan replied, "the guy will marry all of us so to cut down on confusion."

Simpson added, "Yes, less confuding. Besides, I could've benefitted with Nick. He never brushed his teeth and I had to go to a psychic to figure out about Colgate."

During the press conference, Hilton stared straight ahead and didn't say too much. At one point Lohan asked Paris if she was ok, and she said, "Yes, I'm okle dokle. I was just wondering... my last name is the same as the name of that hotel across the street. I wonder if I know the owner. And, does anybody know who Holly Dayin is? She seems a bit cheap, but I like the fact you can pay for the room with cash under a different name."

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